This started out as a Facebook status update because a photo popped up in my “memories” this morning. But apparently, I felt the need to use all the words, so I figured I’d better just stick them here instead.
It’s the very last photo on earth of Ryder with full use of his body. 30 minutes after this was taken, I tucked my babes into bed, only to be awakened in the wee hours of the next morning to our first indication that something was very wrong.
We prayed for these boys long before they were born, even as we lost the brothers or sisters who came before (and after) them, that God would use our children in mighty ways. Sometimes you get what you ask for, in ways you never imagined (or hoped for). It’s been a long journey, but I know this story is just getting started.
They say time heals all wounds. I wholeheartedly disagree because the pain is still very real. It sneaks back up and leaks out my eyes when I least expect it, and usually at the most inconvenient or awkward times. However, I do believe time offers a unique perspective. When that photo popped up last year, I was angry. Angry at Christmas, angry at myself, and admittedly a little angry at God (and I wrote about it here). It had been a whole year, afterall! We’d worked hard, prayed hard, and God still hadn’t healed our boy.
And now, another year has passed… more time, and a new perspective. We still have our share of new-to-us old house drama, but it’s almost over. I played Christmas music before Thanksgiving, and we put up three trees instead of one. We’ve met people, gone places, and done things we never would’ve experienced if Ryder had been healed on our timeline. And yes, Ryder’s arm is broken again (here’s last year’s story), but it didn’t happen on Evan’s birthday, and it wasn’t his “good” arm. We’re a little older, a little wiser, and more experienced at finding the beauty in the ashes of life while expecting the unexpected.
Through it all, God’s faithfulness has never wavered. We have everything we need and most of what we want. He’s teaching us, stretching us, and making us better versions of ourselves. And He’s using us in ways we may never even see, and certainly in ways we never expected. It’s been said a million times… He is the potter, I am the clay. All that molding and reshaping can be painful. But as time passes, we can step back, gain a little perspective and see something amazing taking shape.